As far as the meds go. I can't say it's bothered me, though--like you, I'm finding lots of other things to do with my time. I'm in a place in my life, anyway, where I don't want a relationship just now (I'm living with/looking after my elderly parents). I remember not too long ago before I was on the medication, all I used to do it seems was have sexual fantasies. My god! To the point where I was like, what is wrong with me? It finally hit me that I was after all in my "dirty thirties". I also read somewhere that the mid-thirties is the only time when women have as many sexual fantasies as men.

Well no wonder they're so screwed up! I think we've got to give them a little more credit--I mean, how can men get anything done?

I wish I were the fiesty type. I'm just too shy.

I don't miss em at all! They were so freaking distracting--I swear I probably neglected my kids in the pursuit of sex, lol.

I was talking with a friend today about being single and how happy I am--I ended a long-term relationship almost 2 years ago and have NO desire to have another. I just like having my house and my time and my life and my bed to myself. I don't have to worry about pleasing anybody but myself. I can read in bed with the light on til 3 a.m. without anybody complaining. And as far as companionship goes--well, I don't miss that either. I like my own company pretty well.

Oh I am so with you on this again, kactus. I can't even stand having a roommate around, and the time I lived by myself in a little rented house (not even anyone upstairs, just the whole place all to myself) was just the best (save for the working at the stupid corporate job bit). Just me and the cats. I can't even imagine living with some sort of significant other. Having the entire bed to myself is such a blessing; sometimes I have to kick the cats out cause they're crowding me!

The parents I'm used to by now, but on the rare occasions both of them are out at the same time, it's like heaven...

Thanks for the comments Kactus and Artemisia. I agree Artemisia, that when it comes to many of these women's sexuality studies and research "findings," they greatly focus (and only focus) on heterosexual relationships. (Because women should only be interested in having sex with men and pleasing men--right? Whatever.) They are biased against Queer women, and marginalize their sexual/intimate relationships.

in marginalizing queer relationship they skew their results. i mean from my lesbian perspective, its men that make sex with men dysfunctional. if you want to know about female sexuality, subtract the men!

Astute as usual, artemisia. Let's not forget, too, the relationship between body image and sexual response. I hardly think it's realistic for an entire society to tell women "hey, be as sexy as you can be, UNDER THESE STRICT BARBIE-DOLL GUIDELINES," and then fail to understand when women lose interest. I mean honestly, who wants to be bothered with all of that when chances are you're not going to fit the ideal anyway? And that's the marketing aspect of sex, women's bodies being sold as prettily-packaged receptables to men and to themselves. I know for a fact that I don't fit that pretty-package, barbie-doll guideline. And I don't want a partner who expects me to.

What research are you reading, or are you just looking at the mainstream press coverage?

Much of the medical research trying to understand women's sexual function (only in the last decaade has the medical establishment realized how much they don't know about the basic physiology) actually tends to examine women masturbating so they have fewer external variables to deal with.

I hate this dichotomy crap. The thing that causes so many problems is trying to split mother and whore. You don't get to be a mother without being a "whore". It's like the palm and the back of your hand--you cannot separate one from the other.

Understand that I come from a Goddess and Woman-honoring perspective, and I use the word "whore" in the meaning of "sacred prostitute", and more generally, "sexual woman". Whores, symbolically, represent compassion, in that they are willing to give so much of themselves to people in need.

"Whore" comes from the same root as Latin carus, meaning "dear" (incidentally where the names Charles and Carolyn come from). I like this word--I think we should take it back, like "hag" (which means "holy one").

[Pardon me for butting in; I found this through a search engine.]

I don't believe FSD exists - it's a myth

Bully for you.
I have at least five years of lab results from bloodwork that can prove otherwise, not to mention my own subjective experiences for the past decade, which includes my personal history, studying the latest medical research, sharing stories with other patients, and the fact that every time I do open my mouth about FSD, female acquaintances come out of the woodwork to share their sexual history and ask my advice because they can't get adequate information through their doctors/therapists/current channels.

Consider yourself lucky that you and your partners haven't had to go through what we have. But just because you haven't had to deal with it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And making such comments harms women who do have legitimate physical problems by deterring them from getting the help they need.

I apologize if my tone seems harsh, but it's very difficult to sit by and watch others try to invalidate what I'm going through. Curious, isn't it, how often this happens with ailments that predominantly affect women. Of course, it was the medical establishment that dismissed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, while attacks on FSD tend to come from other feminists.

When Viagra first hit the market, I don't remember hearing anybody argue that impotent men couldn't possibly have a physical problem, but the primary fault lay in ignorance, culture, or inconsiderate sexual partners.
Physical bodies can break down. Why is that so hard to accept?

I'll keep poking my head in here for any responses to this comment, but since the topic is in the news yet again, I'm going to be writing about it all week on my blog, Riba Rambles. Drop on by, read what I've written, and feel free to ask questions.

riba, thank you for sharing your perspective and personal experience about this. i recognize that many women have trouble getting aroused or reaching orgasm. and i have fibromyalgia, so i understand the frustration of having a condition that people don't recognize.

it's not that i have a hard time accepting that physical bodies break down. it's just that i see so clearly the overwhelming cultural burdens placed on women's sexuality. (and if you read my post faking it, you see that given my background it is astounding to me that any woman can enjoy sex with a man.)

i'm also leary these days because big pharm corps have been trying to use fsd as a means to sell more viagra by marketing it to women. as if overprescribing it to every guy who wants a 4 hour hard on isn't profitable enough.

i'm glad there is real scientific research going on about the biology of women's sexuality. and i hope that research yields good info and treatment for women who need it.

i just don't want to see that used as an excuse to not deal with the pervasive cultural burdens that adversely affect female sexuality. after all, we still live in a culture of male defined female sexuality.

i'm glad you joined up and responded to this thread. i hope you'll continue to post on subjects of female sexuality and on other topics that interest you.

riba,
fwiw, I prefer to go by Lis.

i'm also leary these days because big pharm corps have been trying to use fsd as a means to sell more viagra by marketing it to women.
But a lot of that pressure is coming from the other direction.

I was already experiencing problems when Viagra was released. I followed the news avidly looking for the slightest hint of something applicable to my problems, or even mentioning women as something other than the partner of someone in need of Viagra.

And apparently I wasn't alone. I've been a patient of Dr. Goldstein, former head of the Institute for Sexual Medicine and leading the way in FSD research and treatment. He was an expert in sexual health among men, and reports that women started contacting him hoping his knowledge was transferrable. (2003 news story) He soon discovered how little science knew about female sexual health and it's been his crusade ever since.

So don't assume this is externally imposed, industry taking advantage of women. A lot of women have been frustrated for a long while and agitating for attention.

i just don't want to see that used as an excuse
While self-actualization and self-awareness are admirable goals, I too often hear of friends advised to seek therapy to resolve their problems as a first resort, when a one-time blood test of hormone levels could provide a much quicker diagnosis.

If the problem is at root hormonal, then supplements and medications are far more effective than therapy.
In contrast, blood tests can also quickly rule out hormonal problems and direct patients away from pharmeceutical solutions if they do need theraputic help.

And, no matter how helpful its intent, much of the mainstream advice adds to the patient's guilt more than it helps.
Too stressed? Overtired? That means I'm not relaxing enough. A friend who approached me after reading my blog said her (female) doctor told her she was "thinking too much" [I got that one, too.] I wracked my brain fruitlessly trying to think of any possible time I might've been abused as a child, in case I was subconsciously repressing trauma.
My husband felt a lot of guilt that maybe he was a bad lover or unattractive or just too insensitive to my needs. [Look at the comments here and other feminist boards about FSD. How many people make snide remarks that the guy is a lousy partner or needs to help more around the house?]
And meanwhile, we spent years and thousands of dollars scrutinizing every aspect of our lives with couples therapists and then sex therapists. Nice to gain the tools and awareness, but none of that brought us one step closer to resolving the problem. And we were lucky enough to have the money to burn at the time.

Why put people through that misery unnecessarily?

We didn't even notice how much of this baggage we were carrying around until I was diagnosed with hormone deficiency, and we realized that it wasn't our fault! It was such an amazing relief. If a blood test and medications can save others from that grief, I say woo-hoo!

i hope you'll continue to post on subjects of female sexuality and on other topics that interest you.
I mostly post on my own blog so I can make sure to see any responses I get. This seems to be FSD week for me, and I've got a whole bunch of links for further reading there, if you're interested.

fwiw, I prefer to go by Lis.

thanks for clarifying that. i assumed that since your blog was called riba rambles that you prefered riba.

I'm not saying that you don't have a physical problem. The point I'm trying to make is that FSD is a combination of physical and sometimes psychological problems that all get lumped together, and then used against women who have nothing wrong with them. Of course, bodies break down, and that's tragic - I deal with it myself. I'm sorry if that statement upset you, but I was making a point. When the doctors find out what is wrong with you, if they ever do, it will not be a "dysfunction" it will be an illness. It will be an organ malfunction or a hormonal imbalance or nerve damage, but it won't be the same reason that causes the next "FSD" patient to have problems. They're too willing to throw a very general term at women and use that as a blanket to describe all of our problems. Calling it FSD is only a little more helpful than telling us our cramps are imaginary or that we're hysterical.

I'm not "attacking" you - I'm attacking the medical establishment, and the larger culture, that thinks it's ok to neglect women's problems when you know they would move heaven and earth to solve a similar problem in men. I'm attacking the idea that a woman not wanting sex is a "problem" but her having orgasms isn't a priority.

I'm curious about your diet though - not that this is the problem, it's just the first place I always look when someone has any kind of sexual or reproductive problem. Do you eat meat or dairy? If so, are they organic? I've seen women solve a lot of problems by getting all of the rGHB out of their systems. There is also a huge variety of problems that can be caused by food and chemical sensitivities that a doctor will never tell you about, because they don't know about it themselves. We live in such a toxic environment - i'm surprised everyone doesn't have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome.

Anyway - it wasn't intended to diminish your suffering. It was meant to support your need for real medical solutions instead of judgement, condemnation, and neglect. Sorry if I was unclear about what I was trying to say.

Support the Women's Autonomy and Sexual Sovereignty Movements

I wrote up a lengthy reply to this comment and now it's gone! What happened!?! Does anyone have a backup copy of this post they can restore from!?

I responded in detail point-by-point to many of the issues raised by parent comment, and don't think I can recreate it from memory.

I find it really distressing that my post yesterday has vanished like this.

lis,

i'm sorry your post is missing. let me assure you that no one deliberately deleted your post. we'll do what we can to find it. can you describe what happened? did you see it posted after you pressed "post comment? did you ever see it posted? any specifics would be helpful.

-artemisia

I wrote the post about 2 days ago, shortly before my "Hello, Is this thing on?"

I think there were duplicates of the parent comment, and one of those duplicates got deleted (dunno by the poster or someone else). Unfortunately, they must've removed the copy which I responded to which erased my comment.

i'll look into it

and i am so terribly sorry! as you mention, morgaine had a duplicate post which i removed a few days ago. in so doing i removed the wrong one and also deleted the thread tied to it. i wasn't even aware until this evening (sunday) that i had done so, when i read your new comments. I beg your forgiveness. i cannot believe i was so stupid as to remove the wrong one.

but i checked with laura and there is no way to retrieve your post. this is the first time something like this has happened. again, sincere apologies.